Crew Biographies

Name: Christopher James Thomas OLDING
Rank: Captain
Serial Number: 217-5840-Q
Current Posting: Commanding Officer, USS Psycho
D.O.B: 18th October 2256

Officer’s Career to Date:

Christopher Olding is the son of Commodore Tom Olding, and initially followed in his father’s footsteps in a career through the sciences branch. He graduated in the upper quartile of the class of 2278. On his way to his first posting on board the USS Flamenco he was drafted in as part of the Starfleet emergency relief effort to the plague-stricken colony of Port McCaffrey. Due to circumstances beyond his control he found himself in command of the relief effort for a short period. He acquitted himself in the finest traditions of the Fleet.

After serving the rest of his tour aboard the Flamenco, Olding returned to the Academy as a teacher where he found himself in the unlikely position of teaching Classics and Archaeology to unwilling students.

During his spare time as a teacher, Olding volunteered for additional duty assisting with the refit of the USS Psycho SMC-1234. As a result of his work the new commander of the Psycho, Captain Waghorn, requested him for the post of junior science officer with the new rank of Lieutenant j.g. when the Psycho recommissioned on 17th January 2281.

Promotion to Lieutenant in 2283 brought a new assignment aboard the USS Suppository as Chief Science Officer. During this period Olding volunteered for service in the Academy training program and was placed in temporary command of the cadet training ship USS Zimmerframe in 2286. Whilst in command a crisis situation arose, and Olding and his crew of cadets were forced into active service, rescuing civilians from a stricken liner. During the rescue the Zimmerframe came under attack from Orion pirates. Under Olding’s command the Zimmerframe defeated the Orions and completed the rescue with no loss of life.

Due to his outstanding performance as a science officer and his obvious talents in the command arena, Olding was granted promotion to Lieutenant-Commander in 2286. He requested a posting where he could hone his command skills, and was transferred to the USS Jackrabbit in 2287 in the dual role of Second Officer and Science Officer.

The successful completion of his command training in 2289 led to promotion to full commander and reassignment to USS Foxtrot as First Officer.

His time aboard the Foxtrot proved to be a turning point in Olding’s career. In late 2290 Olding was part of a first contact landing party on the planet of Ckorrefektia. As part of the negotiations Olding and seven Ckorrefektians entered the conference room at 11:62 local time. When the doors were opened at 15:23 Olding proved to be only one in the room left alive.

The resultant enquiry exonerated Commander Olding of all blame, but a shadow was cast on an otherwise impressive record. Whilst not wishing to waste his undoubted command ability, when the time came, in 2291, for Olding to assume his captaincy, it was felt that his first command should be the USS Psycho, rather than the USS Lexington as was previously considered.

Previous Commanding Officers’ Comments:

“A more than competent student, however his future career will be limited by his unwillingness to apply himself outside his chosen specialisation.”
–    Commodore David Garrod, Commandant Starfleet Academy

“Outstanding science officer, needs to work on his interpersonal skills a bit.”
–    Captain Yvette Waghorn, Commanding Officer USS Psycho.

“This officer has shown hitherto unsuspected ability in the field of command and I have no hesitation and the utmost pleasure in recommending him for promotion.”
–    Captain Derek Tallon Commanding Officer USS Suppository.

“While there can be no argument as to this officer’s abilities, the unfortunate incident on Ckorrefektia leads me to conclude that it would be unwise to put him in a high profile position where he would be representing Starfleet and the Federation on a daily basis.”
–    Captain Patrick McCarthy, Commanding Officer USS Foxtrot.

Decorations this officer is entitled to:

Axanar Peace Cross
Pentares Ribbon of Commendation 2nd Class
Vulcan Science Academy Scroll of Excellence
Distinguished Service Medal

Name: Richard George HILL
Rank: Commander
Serial Number: 991-6377-S
Current Posting: Executive Officer, USS Psycho
D.O.B: 18th March 2261

Officer’s Career to Date:

Richard Hill is the eldest son (officially) of Admiral John Hill, head of Starfleet Accounts. Despite pressure from his father, the younger Hill chose not to pursue a career in Actuarial Command, instead joining the General Service branch of the fleet. Whilst at the Academy, Hill demonstrated good technical aptitude, though his abilities were somewhat unfocussed.

Before his career properly began, he brought himself to the attention of important members of Starfleet due to his foiling of a plot to assassinate James Kirk during his graduation ceremony. It was as a result of this that his first posting was a prestigious one, earning him a commission aboard USS Endeavour in 2283.

Steady if uninspired performance kept him aboard Endeavour for 3 years, although he was promoted to Lieutenant j.g. in 2285. He was temporarily reassigned as a technical specialist to the USS Cinzano in 2286. The mission of the Cinzano was to perform running repairs on the Fabrini world ship Yonada, and Hill’s hardware skills were required as part of that effort.

At the end of the assignment, Hill was posted to the USS John J. F. J. F. J. F. J. Z. Winklegruber IX, serving aboard her for two years. His continued competency in the technical arena gained him a promotion to Lieutenant. In 2288, he was posted to the USS Spoonbender. After five months on board, the Spoonbender suffered a mysterious total failure of her onboard computer systems, including all auxiliary and disaster recovery subroutines. This left her drifting without power or navigational data for six days, during which time various members of the crew were forced to resort to cannibalism in order to survive. Although the Board of Inquiry was unable to establish the precise cause of the incident, the timeline of events showed that the last logged event in the fragmented recovered files was Hill’s attempt to install a self-written upgrade to the ship’s central computer. It was suspected this may have played a role in the events that followed, and as a result of which Hill was removed from the Spoonbender and posted to the USS Diverticulitis, a depot ship that was permanently moored in the Beta Tangerine system.

16 months of disciplined hard work aboard the Diverticulitis allowed Hill to earn a promotion to Lieutenant-Commander and a posting as science officer to the USS Psycho in 2290. Whilst Hill was aboard, the Executive Officer, Commander Colwill, began to suffer from temporary absences of sanity, resulting in Hill assuming the temporary position of First Officer in addition to his science duties. Colwill was removed to Tantalus Five in 2291 and the new Commanding Officer, Christopher Olding, made Hill’s dual role permanent, a decision that earned Hill the promotion to Commander.

Previous Commanding Officers’ Comments:

“An undistinguished adequate performance from this cadet. But he did a better job of fixing my terminal than Fleet IT services have ever managed. Oh, and he saved Jim Kirk’s life.”
–    Commodore Bryn Dillard, Starfleet Academy

“An undistinguished adequate performance from this officer. But he did a better job of fixing my terminal than Fleet IT services have ever managed.”
–    Captain Roger Chaffee, USS Endeavour

“Hill? That <expletive deleted> officer? He <expletive deleted> my <expletive deleted> <expletive deleted> barbeque sauce <expletive deleted> terminal <expletive deleted>.”
–    Captain Y Geller, USS Spoonbender

“He has served his time here with uncomplaining diligence, tirelessly renovating the hardware of this depot ship to bring it in line with modern Fleet standards. In my opinion he has earned parole back into the rest of the fleet.”
–    Captain Simon Sparrow, USS Diverticulitis

Decorations this officer is entitled to:

Vulcan Science Academy Scroll of Adequacy (Correspondence course)
Starfleet Technical Services Honour Clasp

Name: Gavin Charles WALL
Rank: Lieutenant-Commander
Serial Number: 130-8990-P
Current Posting: Chief Helmsman, USS Psycho
D.O.B: 18th October 2264

Officer’s Career to Date:

Gavin Wall joined the Academy following in the footsteps of his father Chief Petty Officer Graeme Wall. Whereas his father was a stolid, hardworking crewman the younger Wall proved to be rash and impetuous, surviving his Academy career thanks to a series of highly unlikely yet fortunate incidents. A member of the Zimmerframe crew during the Aurora Incident, Wall took the helm under combat conditions and executed a series of unorthodox manoeuvres. Despite this, the incident was resolved successfully.

Graduating the Academy in 2286, Wall was posted to the USS Hotspur on border patrol on the Romulan Neutral Zone. As part of his duties as shuttle pilot and Delta shift helmsman Wall was involved in the test phase of the latest design of Starfleet shuttles. Thanks to his propensity for increasingly unsafe attempts to push the flight envelope of these experimental craft the test team received more performance data than they were expecting, and Wall was rewarded with a promotion to Lieutenant j.g. Unfortunately his carefree attitude did not sit well with his captain’s more regulated approach and Wall found himself posted to Starbase 54.

As one of the only two shuttle pilots on the station this was perhaps not the most taxing of roles and indeed Wall’s tenure on 54 was only enlivened when the station’s senior shuttle pilot died of boredom and Wall was promoted to Lieutenant to take his place. Wall responded to the unremitting tedium of being the senior shuttle pilot on board a starbase that rarely, if ever, operated its shuttles by establishing his own private business. This involved, in defiance of interstellar law, ferrying thrill-seekers back and forth across the Romulan Neutral Zone aboard the starbase’s shuttles. This came to the attention of Starfleet Intelligence who realised Wall was completely ignorant of the wider ramifications of his actions. Rather than prosecute him for committing an act of war three times a week the hapless Lieutenant was unknowingly recruited to ferry deep-cover agents and dissidents across the Neutral Zone, believing it was part of his adventure holiday business.

It became necessary after some time to close down the operation. To disguise the precise details of the ferry service Starfleet Intelligence arranged for Wall to receive a promotion and go on extended leave.

***** Top Secret – Section 31 Eyes Only *****

Operation Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
Subject Whiskey was chosen for this role due to his complete lack of awareness of the universe around him. Thus it was possible to persuade him that his covert insertion onto Romulus was in fact the result of him having won a gameshow he never took part in, the first prize of which was a nine-month holiday of a lifetime on sunny Romulus. His original role was to act as a decoy who would be detected and arrested by the Tal Shiar thus allowing the real deep cover operative to complete his mission undetected. Due to reasons passing understanding Subject Whiskey not only evaded detection but inadvertently completed the primary mission after the deep cover operative was detected and arrested. He then managed to exfiltrate himself and reported to our debriefing team (posing as the presenter of the gameshow) with the required data, still under the impression he had been using up his accumulated nine months shore leave. Note: We can now cancel the shore leave from his file as he believes he has had it.

***** Top Secret Section Ends *****

Upon returning from leave Wall was posted as Chief Helmsman to USS Psycho.

Previous Commanding Officers’ Comments:

“Desperately keen but unfortunately possessed of the attention span of a four year old. Can disrupt himself and others more easily than most people can breathe. May go far.”
–    Commodore B Dillard, Commandant Starfleet Academy

“This officer needs to learn a healthy respect for rules and regulations rather than continuing with his current assumption that the universe is there for his entertainment. Unfortunately all attempts to give him firm guidance failed due to his complete inability to realise that guidance is taking place.”
–    Capt. C. Thelvin, Commanding Officer USS Hotspur

“Has flown more test flights in the past two years than any other officer in this base’s history. Can’t fault his keenness.”
–     Commodore Nkembe, Commanding Officer Starbase 54

***** Top Secret – Section 31 Eyes Only *****

“Subject Whisky is quite possibly the least able operative Section 31 has ever utilised. However he is also the single most successful operative Section 31 has ever utilised. Nonetheless we don’t ever wish to see him again.”
–     Lieutenant Xxxx, Section 31

***** Top Secret Quote Ends *****

Decorations this officer is entitled to:

Axanar Peace Cross
Distinguished Flying Cross

***** Top Secret – Section 31 Eyes Only *****

Subject Whisky is entitled to hold an Intelligence Star (Covert) on his personnel file, however Subject Whisky is not entitled to know he holds an Intelligence Star (Covert) on his personnel file.

***** Top Secret Decorations List Ends *****

Name: Philip DAMERELL
Rank: Lieutenant-Commander
Serial Number: 565-3215-H
Current Posting: Navigator, USS Psycho
D.O.B:17th July 2264

Officer’s Career to Date:

Philip Damerell joined the Academy in 2282, as part of the Academy’s short-lived ‘Outreach’ programme. This was fortunate as he had just been fired from his previous role of ‘Pizza Delivery Operative’. After a not unpromising start, this officer’s ineptitude shone through. Allegations of cheating in his third year exams were raised but not substantiated and Damerell was allowed to continue his training.

Damerell took part in the eventful final cadet training cruise of the USS Zimmerframe. Whilst not as fatal as the previous years’ training cruise, Damerell, as one of the bridge officers, was placed under great stress during the rescue of the liner Aurora. Although he acquitted himself in the highest traditions of the fleet, it is now suspected that this incident laid the foundation for his subsequent behavioural problems.

Upon graduation in 2286 Damerell was posted to the USS Lactulose as Delta shift backup navigator. Sadly he was still recovering from the trauma of the Aurora incident and found the pressure of the role too much, and after four months was re-posted to the USS Griffin as Echo shift relief backup navigator. Thanks in part to his single-handed efforts in re-cataloguing the ship’s library in his spare time he earned the promotion to Lieutenant j.g.

After two and a half years aboard the Griffin, during which time he was gradually eased into progressively more demanding roles until he eventually took over as Beta shift navigator, Captain Helga Gottfriedsdottir, well known for her ‘short sharp shocks’ command method, took command of the Griffin in 2289 and promptly seconded Damerell to the hardship posting of the surface science vessel USS Stanley. Six months of working in sub-arctic conditions in rough seas took their toll on Damerell. When he requested a posting, it was decided to promote him to Lieutenant and give him the low pressure role of commanding officer of the largely automated freighter ZX81. This vessel, with its crew of three, had been operating along the same route for the previous decade. It was therefore felt that this posting would not only offer Damerell the chance to recuperate but allow him to broaden his skill base. Unfortunately the combined stresses of command and having to organise the crew’s New Years Eve bash days after taking command proved too much for Damerell, and in January 2290 Damerell was committed to the Tantalus V Rehabilitation Colony having suffered from an extreme psychotic break.

This should have been the end of Damerell’s active service career, however there was an unfortunate confusion in the files which resulted in the perfectly healthy Lieutenant Philomena Damerell (no relation) being unexpectedly committed to Tantalus and the current inmate even more unexpectedly receiving a promotion to Lieutenant-Commander and a posting as ship’s navigator aboard the USS Psycho. By the time the mistake came to light Philomena Damerell had suffered a nervous breakdown due to the stresses of being on Tantalus and it was decided that the now Lieutenant-Commander Damerell was the more sensible choice to hold the role.

Previous Commanding Officers’ Comments:

“Goes to pieces so bluidy fast people get hit by the shrapnel, but pulls himself together again if you give him half a chance.”
–    Lieutenant C. Olding, Temporary Commanding Officer USS Zimmerframe

“A loose formation of nerves, neuroses and non-existent navigational skills that pass for a Starfleet officer. Damerell displays all the aptitude for his job that one might reasonably expect from a stuffed aardvark.”
–    Capt. H. Gottfriedsdottir. Commanding Officer USS Griffin

“I have never seen an officer throw up so much.”
–    Commander W. Harker, Commanding Officer USS Stanley

“Philip has displayed slow and mildly unstable progress. Whilst a pleasant enough fellow, asking him to do anything more complex than tie his shoelaces brings on a shrieking panic-stricken response from Philip that means we have to spend the next hour and a half persuading him to come out of the air conditioning system.”
–    Dr. Simon van Gelder, Tantalus V Rehabilitation Colony

Decorations this officer is entitled to:

Axanar Peace Cross
Tantalus V Blue Ribbon for Three Weeks Uninterrupted Calm

Name: Christopher Andrew GRAHAM
Rank: Commander
Serial Number: 809-6539-Y
Current Posting: Chief Engineer, USS Psycho
D.O.B: 1st April 2261

Officer’s Career to Date:

Christopher Graham joined the Academy in 2279, it is believed by forging his psych test papers. Despite warning signs of potential instability shown throughout his time at the Academy, it was only in his third year that Graham came to the attention of the Academy command staff after an incident in which he refused to follow legitimate orders. He was severely disciplined but allowed to continue. This appeared to have fostered feelings of paranoia and hostility towards senior officers, which manifested itself in an attempt by Graham to draw undue attention to himself during his graduation ceremony. This had the unfortunate by-product of aiding an assassination attempt on James T. Kirk, which was foiled by another cadet.

At this stage, it was abundantly clear there was only one ship in the Fleet where Graham would fit in, and he was posted to the USS Psycho as a junior engineer upon graduation in 2283. His first role aboard the Psycho was as a transporter room operator, a post he only left in 2285 after his superior was involved in a freak transporter accident which spread their molecules over half a solar system. Graham was given a promotion to Lieutenant j.g. and assumed the new role of impulse engine specialist. In 2286, his superior was EV, examining the impulse manifolds when the engines fired at full power, incinerating the unfortunate engineer. The resulting enquiry failed to determine the precise cause of the accident, although it was noted that Graham was at the impulse control panel at the time.

As the newly promoted Lieutenant Graham, deputy engineer, he enjoyed a period of calm. This ended in early 2290 when a former Academy classmate of his arrived on board the Psycho as the new Science Officer. Graham’s response to this was to suffer from extreme jealousy and mood swings. Fortunately, his promotion to Lieutenant-Commander and Chief Engineer after his predecessor entered a Jefferies tube and was never seen again appeared to mollify him somewhat.

After two years of barely disguised hostility between Executive Officer and Chief Engineer, the Psycho put into spacedock for a minor refit of the computer systems in Engineer. Captain Olding refused to submit a full report on the events that took place during that week, but it appears that shortly after logging a decision on the colour and style of the new engineering control panels, Commander Hill was abruptly admitted to Sickbay with a dislocated shoulder, third degree burns, and what the medical report described as ‘the biggest atomic wedgie this side of Arcturus Prime.’ Lieutenant-Commander Graham was recommended for promotion to Commander by Captain Olding, after which time Commander Hill’s pants went unmolested.

Previous Commanding Officers’ Comments:

“This cadet scares me. More than a little. Whilst he has an undoubted aptitude for all things technical, his attitude towards his fellow beings is little short of pathological hatred.”
–    Commodore Dillard, Commandant Starfleet Academy.

“Talented engineer, who unfortunately has not mixed with the other engineers as I would have hoped. He has, however, coped with the deaths of so many of his superiors with remarkable equinamity.”
–    Captain Yvette Waghorn, officer commanding, USS Psycho

“I have no hesitation in recommending Lieutenant-Commander Graham for immediate promotion. If that’s what it takes to spare me the sight of my first officer hanging by his pants from the main intermix chamber, that’s what I’m willing to do.”
–    Captain CJT Olding, officer commanding, USS Psycho

Decorations this officer is entitled to:

Starfleet Corps of Engineers Purple Ribbon (2nd class)

Name: Daniel John Benjamin JACKSON
Rank: Lieutenant
Serial Number: 449-4087-R
Current Posting: CMO, USS Psycho
D.O.B: 19th September 2256

Officer’s Career to Date:

Daniel Jackson joined Starfleet in 2274. He then left in 2274, after a court-martial for attempted murder three weeks into his first term at the Academy Jackson was acquitted, however it was decided he was unsuitable for Starfleet service and discharged. He spent the next four years working as a civilian contractor in various Starfleet catering establishments, until he arrived at Port McCaffrey. During the crisis, Jackson was granted a field commission to Ensign, which he retained as he was willing to accept the unpopular post of Head of Hygiene on the remote outpost of LV-426.

Whilst aboard the outpost, Jackson spent his nine years there studying for his MD via correspondence course. Upon passing, he applied for and was accepted to the post of CMO, USS Psycho.

  ***** Top Secret – Section 31 Eyes Only *****

Agent 11423 first came to our attention after the events on Port McCaffrey. He was assessed for suitability during his first year on LV-426. It was decided to proceed with recruitment after 11423 single-handedly eliminated an infestation of particularly malignant bacteria that had overwhelmed previous hygiene operatives. This, combined with his obvious proclivities for sharp implements, made him ideal for the Section 31 Inhumations programme.

After the three month intensive physical and mental training regime, 11423 was deployed on his first mission. The tasking was for him to eliminate the head of a pirate’s guild operating out of Rigel VI in the Orion sector. The mission was a success, as 11423 divined that the appropriate method was not to attempt to approach the guild head directly, but to eliminate enough of the appropriate minions from two rival guilds in order to encourage a grudge war in which both groups destroyed each other.

Other missions 11423 undertook for Section 31 during his time as an operative included a time-sensitive operation to assassinate the chancellor of the Klingon Empire. After a failure of intelligence prior to the mission commencing, 11423 was forced to retreat, beginning a three day running fight through open country, living off the land and carrying his waste with him. The casualty count is unknown but believed to be in the hundreds. By the time 11423 reached the LZ he was four pounds lighter and in the final stages of exhaustion. However the mission was successful and to this day the Klingons remain convinced it had been a rival faction within the High Council.

A particularly sensitive mission occurred just after the conclusion of the Whalesong crisis. Dr Gillian Taylor, the 20th century human brought forwards in time by Kirk and his crew, although initially feted for her specialist knowledge in the field of marine biology, appeared to have become unhinged as a result of her temporal displacement. She began a political pressure group willing undertake drastic acts to further their aims of recreating as many previously extinct species as possible. Although initially she was no more than a nuisance, her attempts to utilise time travel to bring forwards in time more extinct species threatened to put the timeline at risk. 11423, cunningly disguised as an orca whale, was able to engineer an incident that made it appear as if Dr Taylor had fallen victim to the very creatures she was attempting to save.

11423’s final mission was to eliminate Joseph Falco, a technician who had stumbled across a revolutionary leap forwards in the field of automated data management. Falco resisted attempts at persuading him to hand over the technology to Section 31 where it could be properly utilised, and so he was marked for elimination. 11423 was deployed, and, despite penetrating many layers of in-depth security, was foiled by the least likely series of random events ever to impede an operative in the course of their duty. When 11423 returned from the mission to report failure, the debrief managed to establish that it was the combination of a fruit blancmange, four tons of high explosive, and a rehearsing chorus line that eventually prevented him from eliminating Falco in such a way as to not lay the blame at 31’s feet.

Regretfully, it was decided to terminate 11423’s operational usefulness, and he was memory-wiped, implanted with the standard emergency recall codes, and released back back into the Fleet.

  ***** Top Secret Section Ends *****

Previous Commanding Officers’ Comments:

“Cadet Jackson is hereby dishonourably discharged from the service.”
–    Admiral Cage, Starfleet Judge Advocate General’s Office.

“Dan’s getting good with the knives, and is more than happy to do the cleaning up as well. He also takes it better than most when I shout at him.”
–    Ensign Stark, Starfleet Catering

“Aye, well, t’ bloke was just hangin’ around doin’ nothin’. I asked if anyone had Starfleet experience, he said yes, I gave him t’ commission! He didn’t mention he’d only been in three weeks!”
–    Ensign Olding, Officer Commanding, Port McCaffrey

  ***** Top Secret – Section 31 Eyes Only *****

“It is with great regret that we remove 11423 from the active duty roster. During his time in Section 31, this operative has repeatedly functioned above and beyond the call of duty, helping to defend the freedoms we all hold dear.”
–    Lieutenant Qqqqq, Section 31

  ***** Top Secret Quote Ends *****

Decorations this officer is entitled to:

Starfleet Hygiene Corps Mop of Cleanliness (1st class)

  ***** Top Secret – Section 31 Eyes Only *****

11423 is entitled to hold the following on his personnel file:

46 Intelligence Stars (Covert)
Distinguished Service Cross (Covert)
Distinguished Service Medal, and bar (Covert)
Conspicuous Gallantry Medal (Covert)
Victoria Cross (Covert)
Starfleet Medal of Honour (Covert)
Andorian Order of Tholos Combat Ruthlessness Clasp (Covert)

However, 11423 is not entitled to know he holds these on his personnel file.

  ***** Top Secret Decorations List Ends *****

Name: Matthew James Stark
Rank: Commander
Serial Number: 915-3305-L
Current Posting: Chief Engineer, USS Psycho
D.O.B: 29th May 2255

Officer’s Career to Date:

Matthew Stark joined Starfleet Catering school in 2273, graduating a year later after a cruise aboard the USS Irredeemable. He quickly established himself as a top-flight chef, earning the praise of Captain Miselovic of the Irredeemable.

His first permanent posting was to Starfleet Academy, cooking for the Academy staff. He was briefly detached from these duties to act as defending counsel in a court-martial. It was Stark’s kitchen that was the centre of an unexpected rip in the space-time continuum, caused by an unusual combination of cleaning fluids. After being posted to the Starfleet VIP reception centre in Tokyo, Stark and members of his staff were instrumental in uncovering a Romulan spy posing as the late Commodore Miselovic.

2277 saw Stark working at the new Starfleet facility on Port McCaffrey when the famine struck. Stark, unsupervised, ran a field kitchen that helped keep the survivors of the initial plague alive, in addition to assisting with the depleted Starfleet command structure on the planet. In recognition of his demonstration of skills above and beyond cookery, Stark received a promotion in 2279 to Lieutenant j.g, and with it a posting to the First Contact Office as a liaison officer. During the four years he held this post, Stark became well known both as the terror of the kitchens and the Fleet’s finest, if not only, xeno-culinary expert. He was also promoted Lieutenant in 2282.

In 2283 Stark joined the USS Tandem as head chef at the start of the ship’s five year mission. During this period, theTandem became the first ship in the fleet to win a Soltak/Michelin star, however this was achieved at the cost of the highest known turnover in culinary staff in Fleet history.

Once the mission was complete, Stark was given the prestige posting of head chef aboard Starbase 411, where he spent the next seven years catering for many of the main diplomatic and political soirees in that sector. His undoubted skills in this area earned him a promotion to Lieutenant-Commander in 2289. However, Stark’s reputation as a forceful personality in the kitchen developed to such an extent that, when he began to look for new postings, no ship in the fleet wanted him aboard. Finally, the USS Psycho accepted an application from him.

Due to a bureaucratic error, Stark had in fact applied for the Chief Engineer’s post. When this came to light, several months after the Psycho had disappeared into a temporal rift, it was decided to pretend the mistake had never occurred.

Previous Commanding Officers’ Comments:

“Damned fine chef – best in the fleet, bar none. Average weight gain of the crew was far higher than it had been under any previous incumbent, which is a testament to this man’s level of skill.”
–    Captain Miselovic, officer commanding, USS Irredeemable

“Has a somewhat single-minded approach to learning about new cultures, believing that a thorough culinary understanding is enough to facilitate a successful first contact. He firmly believes that the way to an alien’s heart is through its stomach, wherever that may be located.”
–    Admiral Bryson, officer commanding, Starfleet First Contact Office

“We have managed to run the ship at a profit since Stark achieved his star by taking table bookings at every port we have put into. This officer not only deserves a share of the profits but my warmest congratulations.”
–    Captain Blank, officer commanding USS Tandem

“Although Stark’s efforts have been exemplary, his performance has been marred by his distressing tendency to chase visitors to his kitchens from the premises, often wielding a rolling pin, ladle, or cleaver. Given that, for the most part, these visitors have been visiting dignitaries anxious to pay a compliment, this has given us some uncomfortable moments during negotiations.”
–    Commodore Skelknick, officer commanding Starbase 411.

Decorations this officer is entitled to:

Starfleet Cross (3rd class)
Soltak/Michelin star
Starfleet Catering Golden Ladle of Scrumptiousness

Name: Peter BARFOOT
Rank: Lientenant-Commander
Serial Number: 749-7635-J
Current Posting: Deputy Engineer, USS Psycho-A
D.O.B: 21st November 2262

Officer’s Career to Date:

Born one of twins, Peter Barfoot was the only one of his family not to exhibit his works of art at any number of prestigious galleries throughout the Federation. Although possessed of what could best be described as an artistic temperament, Barfoot’s abilities were more technically focussed, having once constructed a working reactor from his father’s favourite oil paints and easel. It was perhaps no surprise when he joined the Engineering Branch of Starfleet in 2280.

Although undoubtedly gifted, Barfoot’s Academy career was marred by his unfortunate tendency to play practical jokes on fellow cadets and tutors alike. This culminated in the infamous Tellarite Custard Fracas of 2284 which marred his graduation ceremony and cost the Academy 50,000 credits in dry cleaning. This incident resulted in the first of many reprimands to appear on Barfoot’s file during his career.

Posted to the USS Ramchip in 2284, Barfoot celebrated his arrival in the fleet by gluing the Captain and Chief Engineer together. This inauspicious start to the Ramchip‘s five year mission heralded Barfoot’s unique combination of undoubted technical ability coupled with a sense of humour that would not have been out of place in a creche. It was this that kept him from promotion on numerous occasions, still holding the rank of Ensign when the Ramchip returned to Earth at the end of her mission.

Barfoot achieved a promotion to Lieutenant j.g. upon his posting to the USS Smirnoff as a dilithium chamber maintenance specialist. He took to this new, more responsible role well, and for the first few weeks established a new routine of hard work and diligence to his duties. Then, for reasons best known to Barfoot, he took it upon himself to respray every dilithium crystal aboard bright green, and the third of his major reprimands made its appearance on his file. Unabashed, Barfoot’s pranks continued unabated for the next three years until in desperation his commanding officer recommended him for transfer to the medical ship Diphtheria.

Upon arrival aboard the Diphtheria, Barfoot decided that the best way he could contribute to the vessel’s primary mission was by establishing ‘Radio Diphtheria’, a music request show he hosted during his off-duty hours. Although initially popular, Barfoot’s decision to make the show 24/7 proved controversial. Unable to host it himself permanently, and in the absence of other volunteers, Barfoot designed a computer program to play random selections of music from the ship’s database, interspersed with witty comments he’d prerecorded. Something went wrong in the beta testing, and the program embedded itself into the ship’s computer core, making it impossible to delete without also deleting said core. There then followed 18 months of continuous, unending, relentlessly upbeat music. The suicide rate aboard the Diphtheria rose dramatically, as did the tinnitus.

Barfoot was posted to Utopia Planitia, to work under Lieutenant-Commander Sponn. It was hoped that pairing him with a Vulcan would calm the now-Lieutenant Barfoot down somewhat. Sadly, this was not to be. For the year that Sponn and Barfoot worked side-by-side on the latest Constitution class starship, Utopia Planitia Shipyards became Ground Zero for scenes of debauchery unknown since the collapse of the Roman Empire.

The highlight of their time on Mars came when the Ambassador hosted the biggest social event to be held on the planet in 10 years. Determined not to miss out, Barfoot and Sponn beamed down three weeks ahead of the events, and, disguising themselves as a filing cabinet, managed to infiltrate the venue for the party. Once in the party, whilst Sponn mingled with the guests, Barfoot realised that he had in fact forgotten his trousers in the filing cabinet. He returned to the cabinet a minute ahead of Sponn, who had made the acquaintance of the Ambassador’s daughter, and had suggested a assignation in the filing cabinet. Unfortunately, the Ambassador followed them, only to discover the three of them within the cabinet with their clothing in a state of disarray. The resulting scandal threatened to overturn the Martian government and it was felt that it would be best if Barfoot left the planet along with the ship he had been helping to build. Thus, when the USS Psycho-A was commissioned, Lieutenant-Commander Peter Barfoot joined her as Deputy Engineer.

Previous Commanding Officers’ Comments:

“Technically able, and I suppose we must give him credit for the discovery that Tellarites are violently allergic to custard. However, this officer needs to learn the value of restraint in his everyday activities.”
–    Commodore B Dillard, Commandant, Starfleet Academy

“Thanks to this officer, I have been unable to look my Chief Engineer in the eye for five years. I appreciate the value of humour in a long mission, but there is a time and a place, and the bridge during a Yellow Alert is not it.”
–    Captain Dahlqvist, Officer Commanding, USS Ramchip

“The last eighteen months have proved to be a true life version of the seventh circle of hell. Once Bachman Turner Overdrive’s seminal ‘You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet’ has been played at you for the fifteen thousandth time, you start to appreciate it’s socio-anarcho-syndicalist undertones. Wibble.”
–    Captain R J “Butcher” Antonelli, Officer Commanding, USS Diphtheria

“There is no doubting this officer’s zest for life, which is why we feel he is best suited somewhere off planet. Especially this planet.”
–    Commander W Hattersley, Officer Commanding, Construction Project MG11

Decorations this officer is entitled to:

Federation Guild of Comics, Japesters and Merry Pranksters (Honorary Member)

Name: Deborah Louise HILL
Rank: Lientenant-Commander
Serial Number: 397-4425-B
Current Posting: Ship’s Counsellor, USS Psycho-A
D.O.B: 30th April 2335

Officer’s Career to Date:

Starfleet was perhaps a surprising career choice for this officer, as she is the granddaughter of a man who once hijacked a Federation Starship. Joining the Academy’s Counselling programme in 2353, Hill quickly made a name for herself by embracing unorthodox counselling methods.

Upon graduation in 2357, Hill joined Space Station M-27 in the Benzite system as Gamma Shift Counsellor. After three years of at times unchallenging day to day counselling work, Hill opted, on promotion, to take a brief sabbatical to expand her horizons. She was next seen working in the Exciting Parrot Bar and Club on Risa as a hostess. Official records are unclear as to her precise activities at this time, but anecdotal evidence from officers taking shore leave on Risa confirms her popularity as a hostess.

Her time on Risa came to an end when Lt-Commander Sponn, Starfleet Liaison Officer to Ambassador Sarek, was involved in an unfortunate incident involving a bat’leth, three patrons of the bar and a four cubic litre vat of custard.. The resulting embarrassment for Starfleet meant that Sponn had to be posted to a less public role, but he recommended Hill take over from him, in recognition of her quick thinking in resolving the incident with minimal loss of life and clothing.

From 2360 to 62, Hill served as Starfleet Liaison officer to Sarek, an unusual posting both for a Counsellor and for a Lieutenant j.g., but a role she performed with grace and decorum. She left the post to become ship’s counsellor aboard the USS Serviette in 2362. The Ambassador class vessel was engaged in a long range exploration of the borders of Federation space, providing many challenges for the ship’s counsellor.

Upon her promotion to Lieutenant-Commander in 2367, Hill was posted to the USS Disposable-C. In addition to her counselling duties, Hill took the Bridge Officer’s Qualification Course in order to widen her already broad skill-base. In 2372, her Commanding Officer, Captain Hubert Cholmondely-Smythe, accepted a posting to the newly-rediscovered USS Psycho, and asked Hill to accompany him. Realising that, for a counsellor, the crew of the Psycho represented the ultimate professional challenge, Hill accepted.

Previous Commanding Officers’ Comments:

Not what you might call the ‘touchy-feely’ type. Hill holds the Academy record for reducing a patient to tears in the quickest time possible.”
–    Commodore Esmeralda LaLoupe, Head of Starfleet Academy Counselling Programme

“Damn good hostess! Pulled in more punters with her ‘twelve drinks for the price of one’ deals than I’ve ever seen! And still we turned a profit!”
–    Mr Phutt, Manager, Exciting Parrot Bar and Club

“This officer has executed her duties efficiently and in a manner deserving of the highest respect. She has honed her talents, both as a Starfleet officer and a diplomat, and proven a valuable member of my staff.”
–    Ambassador Sarek

“Well, what does one say about such an exemplary officer as Ms Hill has become? I remember not so long ago when she joined us aboard the jolly old Disposable, fresh from her exciting posting aboard the Serviette. Little did she know what she was letting herself in for, the Disposable not being the sort of ship to back away from a worthy challenge! I recall one incident in particular when Lieutenant-Commander Hill particularly distinguished herself above and beyond the call of duty. There we were, surrounded by …(edited for brevity)… so I wiped the Teraxian guava fruit off my trousers and said, ‘Well done young lady, this is certainly going on your permanent record!'”
–    Captain Hubert Cholmondely-Smythe, Commanding Officer USS Disposable-C

Decorations this officer is entitled to:

Risan Guild of Hoteliers, Publicans and Hostesses Order of Merit
Vulcan Diplomatic Corps Scroll of Logic